Trust is power.  When you give your trust to someone, you’re giving them the power to love you, the power to believe in you, along with the power to be deceptive and misrepresent you. Betrayal doesn’t just break trust – it breaks your heart. I think for the believer, betrayal brings a rare kind of pain.  Because it’s not just the apparent damage to the relationship, but it’s also all the spiritual confusion that follows. Starting with the question God, why did this happen?

Betrayal was something Jesus was familiar with. I find it interesting that Judas betrayed him with a kiss, the very thing that was used to show respect and honor in their culture. Something that appeared good was merely a façade for someone very broken. After someone broke your trust, did you ever find yourself thinking, They weren’t exactly how they appeared.

I found myself in that place a few years ago.  When faced with someone breaking our trust, we initially can’t see clearly because of shock. This is true, no matter how small or how significant the incident is. Then there’s the disappointment that this person was even a part of it.  Our hurt consumes us, and we remain our primary concern until we can gain some distance from things, and the Lord begins to reveal what we couldn’t see before. The consuming thought of How could they have done this to me? gets replaced with Why did they do this to themselves? You see, the broken trust was never about you; it’s entirely about them.

As I slowed down and looked more closely, I saw how my friend, who had broken my trust, had been dealing with overwhelming insecurity. Life moves at the speed of a freight train, add in all the distractions constantly competing for our attention, and sometimes we miss warning signs. I was someone they trusted, and when backed into a corner, giving up my trust seemed minor compared to the massive mountain of conflict they were facing. When I saw it from that perspective, I felt compassion for them.

Often times, when trust is broken, it isn’t because someone was looking for a way to hurt you.  It’s about their brokenness, which they can no longer hide.

Within the Body of Christ are flawed people like me and like you. Betrayal within the church can be painful, but we need to remember the Church is not God; the Church is made up of people who rely on His grace. There’s a feature on the navigation app, it’s a button that says re-center. It’s for when you’ve zoomed in on an area so close that nothing looks familiar anymore. When we’ve walked through betrayal, we are up close to all the feelings and emotions that come along with it, so up close we can lose our way. With the navigation app, you tap re-center, and it gives you the birds-eye view so you get your bearings. After walking through a betrayal, we must ask the Holy Spirit to re-center our trust in His unchanging character.

If you are someone walking through this kind of deep disappointment, know that He can and will do something brand new in you through it. Betrayal might change relationships, but don’t allow it to drive you out of fellowship. After betrayal, we are tempted to shut down emotionally. Guarding your heart is actively protecting your peace – without isolating yourself from the Body of Christ. God sees you, you are not forgotten, and you will not stay here forever. Forgiveness is required, but trust and reconciliation are not. Forgiving someone for betrayal is a way to release yourself from the hold, knowing that it no longer has any influence over you.  Forgiveness doesn’t equal rebuilt trust.  Rebuilding trust after betrayal is a process, and you get to decide how quickly or slowly that process unfolds. I’m primarily talking about broken trust in friendships, but there are more serious breaches of trust, such as in marriage or family. Not all betrayals can or should be reconciled; this is why church community is essential, having a few close friends that are committed to speaking truth into our lives, holding us accountable as we navigate the rough seas of broken trust.

These are the very seasons where new things get birthed; although it might be heartbreaking, you will come out of this with greater discernment, a trust in the Lord that cannot be shaken, and a renewed understanding of grace.

 

Over the years, Paul Manwaring has made this statement in blog posts and sermons: “God wastes nothing, He gets you ready.” This heartache is not wasted, through every moment, He’s preparing you for something greater. Our entire journey on earth is learning to walk in the ways of Jesus. Wherever you find yourself today, in the scenario of broken trust and betrayal, whether you were the one betrayed or the one who did the betraying, first go to the Father and be restored to Him. If there are people who have been hurt, go to them and clean up your mess. If a friend has broken your trust and never tried to make amends, don’t let that be an excuse to stay on the fringes of relationships. Pastor Bill Johnson says, “Reaction to error usually produces error”. In other words, don’t let what wronged you, wrong you a second time.

In closing, I bless you to walk in ever-increasing healthy relationships that foster trust and honor. That you would be surrounded by a community that reflects the attributes of the Kingdom, and if you should face a form of betrayal, stay pliable and let Holy Spirit lead you into healing. Trusting that the One who was betrayed, yet overcame, will do the same for you.